I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
