New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
