I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
