You don't have asthma, your pregnant
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Randomize
