why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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