you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
