Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
