Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
