If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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