If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
