Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dicks are not precious.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
