i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
