Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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