oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
