He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
