What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
