Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
