the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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