I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
