barbara walters just said penis...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
