Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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