I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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