Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
