could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
