Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
