But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
