woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I came so hard my ears popped.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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