hotel room ftw
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Drake has all the answers
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
