I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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