Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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