just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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