I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
