It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
