yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
