that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
