it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
