Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
