this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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