She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
