shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
