I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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