I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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