On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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