matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
