just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
