OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
