Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
did i just pee glitter
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
