The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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