dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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