Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
