and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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