Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
