You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
