What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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